Thoughts and worries of the unknown future can really paralyze you from enjoying "right now." I saw this quote yesterday and had to put it on my fridge to remind me - "90% of the things that you worry about....never actually happen." Isn't that the truth? Worry is fear. When fear comes into your life your peace is taken. When your peace is taken, your joy for life is also shaken. As simple as this sounds - turn your worries into prayers. Whenever you feel overwhelmed by worry...turn them into prayers to the Lord. (that is what i am working on) Protect your joy by praying!
As you can tell, i have not been posting as much lately. I have tried my best to not let the Internet take over my time at home with the boys....it's so easy to do that...and i don't even have an iphone! haha.
I have been enjoying my little family so much. James will be starting Preschool in the fall...i tear up when i think about it. haha! I am looking forward to having one on one time with little Adam and for James to venture out a little. My goodness, those two bring me so much happiness to my heart but they also challenge my will. haha. James and Adam are starting to play together and enjoy one another...instead of screaming at one another all the time...which still happens every now and then. I am praying that they will have a close brotherly bond - look out for each other, encourage one another, and have fun together. It is neat to see them grow closer at such a young age.
Like i said, i love my boys so much!!!...but i must admit, that the most challenging job that i have taken is being a MOTHER. I always thought i was a pretty patient and well organized person until i had my two little ones. I am starting to see more and more that God uses our kids as tools to help form us into His image.
I have been aware of how my attitude and actions speak to my boys. It seems that i wake up in the mornings all ready to be the best mom that i can be - no yelling, lots of patience, energy and creativity. By the time nap time rolls around i have already yelled a handful of times, found myself telling James to be patient when i had no patience with him, my energy somehow disappeared into thin air, and my creativity consisted of trying to clean up spilled milk while having two boys hanging on my legs. haha! I often have felt like a failure when i have not been able to take our boys out to the latest kids hot spots or haven't taught them more "school." I have the greatest intentions but end up falling short.
I know my boys are constantly watching. Which can be a nerve wrecking thing...but also great because it helps hold me accountable.
Knowing that our kids are watching us, we really need to ask ourselves - Are we really there? Meaning, available for their needs. Are we so preoccupied with other things in order to avoid the pressure and responsibility of our kids? James, my almost 4 year old, loves to talk...full on conversations. Especially about trains. I have tried everyday more so at night time while tucking him - to just let him talk. Because, honestly, throughout the entire day it is more me talking "to" him instead of talking "with" him. Just for 5 or 10 minutes i'll just let him sit there on his bed and let him open up - about trains, God, heaven, his brother, whatever is on his mind. No phones, no Internet, no distractions. It may not seem like much, but it just makes his face beam knowing that i am taking time out for just him...to fulfill a need of his. Granted, i am usually so tired and just want to say "good night" and close their door, but i know deep down that spending those few minutes with him will help our relationship later on. And when Adam gets a little older, i will be able to see what his "love language" is and try to nurture that.
We put a lot of pressure on ourselves a moms - getting our kids the best stuff, education, food, house, etc. When in reality they just need us. Some days our kids just need to spend time with us instead of going out. Sometimes all they want is to just snuggle with you on your lap instead of learning to read and write. I am not saying that stuff is not important, because it is and we push it in our home, but lets not forget that snuggling and spending time with our kids is important too.
Back to our kids always watching...there was a quote i read - "The most important thing a mother can do for her child is to love the child's father, and the most important thing a father can do for his child is to love the child's mother." Our kids see how we treat our spouses. Seeing how we are with our spouses will affect what kind of spouse our kids will be. Convicting. haha. So while we are nurturing our kids, don't forget to nurture your marriage as well. Even when you have young ones that demand your every attention, like i do, make sure your marriage is higher priority. For some reason, when i am able to spend time with Ryan and really put our marriage first, i seem to be able to "handle" the kids better.
Just know, that we as parents will come up short most days. I am so thankful for second chances - they come every second!
Sorry that was a lot...i will end this post with pictures. :)
At Gammy and Papa's house, i found them both in a box that held wooden blocks.
Sorry this will be yet another random post...
Over the weekend, Ryan helped me with a project. A year ago at a yard sale, we found this little dark brown side table with no top on it. We bought it for $4 not knowing what we would do with it. haha. So finally, exactly a year later, we finished. We made a little vanity seat for me (i'm turning my desk into a vanity in our room - the boys love to get into my stuff...this way they can't get into it)
I painted it and Ryan cut out some would to staple the cushion (an old pillow) and the fabric on. This is how it turned out.
MY LATEST PAINTING - THE WORLD (PSALM 24:1)