Last night, Ryan and i took James to the library. We wanted to do something different...also something that did not cause us to spend money. haha. Ryan took James up to the kid area to play while i looked at all of the glorious books. (i love books!) I found a book titled "Mommy Grace" by Sheila Schuller Coleman. The title stuck out to me. After glancing through the book, i thought it would be worth to read it.
The book so far has been good. The book basically goes into detail about the authors own experience regarding the infamous guilt of being a mother. We as moms, always have the "shoulds" and "should nots" popping in our heads everyday. Such as, "i should have spent more time playing with my children," "i should have prayed over my kids more," "i should not have yelled at them so much," "i should not have let them watch so much tv" and so on. I have been there. My son is only 1, and i have felt the guilt of motherhood.
The first chapter is labeled "Response-Ability." Here is an excerpt from the chapter: "All of the dreams of being a new mother, the thrill i had felt while preparing the nursery, were now dispelled as the reality of the immense responsibilities of a baby hit me full force. Struggling to overcome my fears, i nuzzled my baby boy's fussy head. 'help me Lord,' i prayed. 'i don't know what i'm doing. i can't do this. i love him so much! i am afraid of messing up. i need Your help!'
Then, because He knew i was desperate, the Lord gave me this thought: 'You're making it too complicated. it's actually quite simple. Your sole responsibility is -- response - ability. just respond to his needs to the best of your ability and leave the results to Me.'
Responding - that was much more doable than controlling.
Leaving the results to God - that was much more desirable than the final answer.
Was this the last time i felt overwhelmed by my responsibilities as a mother? I wish! Like every other mother i have talked with, i have questioned my abilities as a mother nearly every day. i continue to worry that i am messing up. Just respond to your children's needs to the best of your ability and leave the results to Him."
I thought that was a neat way to look at the word Responsibility. I have dealt with that same feeling - dealing with a toddler and their terrible tantrums leaves me often dumbfounded. i end up questioning every motive i have taken with him. I would go back as far as birth!
Just like i tell my husband to give all the control to God (mostly concerning job and finances) i should be telling myself the same thing toward motherhood. I love my son! I want what is best for him. I guess the best for him is to give him the best of me and leave the rest to God.
I'm sure i will be blogging more on this book later.
Tonight i am very excited! Ryan and i have a date night! We have not had one in a long while...i think since April. Since he's been doing school and work full time, it's been hard to really focus on one another. Throw a toddler in the mix and there is zero time for one on one time with my husband. haha. Don't get me wrong i love love love my life!...i'm just thankful i get to have an evening alone with my favorite man!
Well, i'd better go get ready while james is napping! have a great day everyone!
MY LITTLE DOODLEBUG!